A cappella birthday silliness -- much of it composed by me

Back in high school, I was not only a band geek, but a choir geek as well!  But I did far more than just sing your standard choral music :-D.  I loved composing, arranging and teaching, and often performing short songs in vocal quartets, and I founded my very own singing telegram business (“The Birthday Brigade”) to support this habit.

For $3, students could hire us to sing a special birthday song to one of the friends—in class, no less!  We even had teachers and administrators hiring us to sing for other non-students.  And by the end of our two year run, we earned enough money to purchase a sizable first-ever music CD collection for our school library (and back in the 80s, this was a big deal!).  Oh, and we also sang the national anthem at various school sporting events; one of the trios even got to sing at Dodger Stadium!

Anyway, in the middle of our second year, we decided to sit down at my place and record a bunch of our songs.  We didn’t do many takes, we didn’t use a fancy studio (just my dad’s old tape recorder!), and the results were certainly not perfect, but I think we did manage to capture a lot of the fun and also show off our love-of-singing :-D.

And alas, the “album” below (from 1989!) is missing some of my favorites, including “Mr. Roger’s [Neighborhood] Birthday” and “A Muppet Birthday” and no doubt others I’ve forgotten about.  But I hope you enjoy the songs nonetheless. [and feel free to see more detailed notes below the player widget]

(I’m singing on all of these except “Love Me Tender”; I think tenor on all tracks)

1) “And Why Not!” - music and lyrics composed by me.

2) “Ole!” - lyrics (as they are) composed by me, and music arranged by me (original melody from “Mexican Hat Dance”)

3) “Love Me Tender” - not sure who composed/arranged this one; the girls might have arranged this one themselves

4) “Star Spangled Banner” - composed by Francis Scott Key, not sure who did this arrangement

5) “Beethoven Birthday” - all composed by me, with deep apologies to Mr. Beethoven

6) “Celebrate!” - music by me, and I think (but am not sure) that I wrote the lyrics, too

7) “Merry Christmas” - sung to the tune of “We Wish you a Merry Christmas” with a tiny bit of lyrical substitution. I think I did the arrangement for this one.

8) “See ya!” - composed, um, on the spot ;-)

*  *  *

Edited on December 20, 2008 to add:

I’ve gotten in touch with most of the people in this recording, which I previously didn’t list because I wanted to make sure my memory wasn’t failing me!  My fine co-singers were Robin (bass), Jen aka “Moose” (alto), Stacey (soprano) and Cathy (soprano).  Oh, and Robin insists that it was *his* tape recorder.  I’m still not convinced of that :-D [and, yeah, I should ask ‘em if they’re comfortable having their last names here, and if so, I’ll add ‘em so they really get their fair notoriety :-P)

Environmentalists selling sex

Think green, think sustainable, think sultry and sexy?!  You may laugh, but the “Hot Chix Dig” crew shows that environmentalism is hot, and I’m not just referring to global warming.

So what’s the deal here?  These women believe that awareness is the key to getting people to make real, substantive improvements in the way they treat our planet.  And—as I’m sure you’ll agree—communicating wisdom about conservation and sustainability is a whole lot more engaging (and memorable) when it’s delivered by scantily clad and attractive women.  Or at least it is for straight men and lesbians :-D (hey, ladies, don’t just complain; I bet hotstudsdig.com is still available!)

Not only can you visit the Hot Chix Dig site and learn about xxxxx, you can also buy their 2009 calendar and show off your fine eco-aware sensibilities to your friends and (if you’re in a particularly easy-going workplace) your colleagues.

If you’re curious, you can learn a bit know more about how the site was born, or you can contact the hot chix dig women yourself with questions or feedback.

*  *  *

So why am I writing about this?

• I personally know and respect the founder of the site (“Avida Verde”).
  
• I think it’s an intriguing and pretty humorous idea, selling environmentalism with sex and/or vice versa.
  
• I’m curious to hear your thoughts.  What do you think the site will accomplish?  Are you inspired? Offended? Impressed? Annoyed? Something else entirely?

I’ll be happy to alert Avida Verde to any comments below. :-D

[Humor] 100 yards Longs brand Waxed Mint Dental Tape, almost new

Today we have a guest post!  Hopefully a nice respite from all the political tensions.

The note below was written by Mark Pilloff for distribution on our company’s “for sale” (classifieds) list.  I’ve reproduced it below in its entirety with, of course, Mark’s permission.  Enjoy! :-D

*  *  *

Free: 100 yards Longs brand Waxed Mint Dental Tape, almost new

Recently my dentist suggested to me that dental tape, thanks to its larger cleaning area, was more effective than ordinary dental floss.  So a few weeks ago, when my previous container of floss ran out, I went to Longs to bring my routine of dental hygiene out of the stone age and incorporate the modern marvel of dental tape.  (Mike Nichols said in a recent interview that if he were making “The Graduate” today, he would update the iconic line to, “I just want to say two words to you.  Just two words.  Dental tape.”  True story.)

Have you bought dental floss / tape lately?  So many choices!  Dozens and dozens of them.  That’s what’s so great about this offer: besides being absolutely free, you have just one choice.  One terrible (but free!) choice.  The same terrible choice that I already made when I stared at the shelves at Longs, thought to myself, “What difference does it make?”, and reached for the most cost effective dental tape option available: 100 yards of Longs brand Waxed Mint Dental Tape.

What I am offering to all of you, absolutely free and with no strings attached, is one almost new container of unquestionably the worst dental floss/tape I’ve ever used.  This dental tape is thick like packing twine, the sort you’d use to bundle up a bale of old newspapers before dropping them off on the curb to be recycled.  To get it to slip between your teeth you’ll have to wiggle it back and forth ten times or more and pull hard enough to cut off the circulation in your fingers.  Each time it finally grinds its way into the slot between your teeth, dropping into place with a stinging snap, you’ll yell to anyone around, or maybe just to your reflection in the mirror, “I hate this @#$% floss.  This is the worst floss ever.  I never should have bought it.”  (Actually, since you’ll be getting this floss complete free of charge, you’ll merely yell, “I hate this @#$% floss.  This is the worst floss ever.”)

Did I mention the coarseness and sharp edge on the tape?  The last time I tried using it, I got a paper cut behind my molar!  And then I yelled at my reflection in the mirror and vowed never to use this dental tape again.

But maybe after reading this you’re just a little bit curious to feel the worst flossing experience on Earth?  Or maybe you have widely spaced teeth which could benfit from dental floss thick enough to tie up a rib roast?  Or maybe you simply can’t resist the word “free”?  Personally I just hate to see anything go to waste, so whatever your motivation, I will gladly give you the remaining 98 yards of my dental tape without expecting anything in return.  (Although if you want to drop me a line and tell me how much you hated it, I’d be happy to hear from you.)

To add further insult to considerable injury, I’m way out in 1950 [Ed. note: this is a building on the outer edge of our campus].  Top floor!  No elevator!  (Okay, the elevator works, but you should punish yourself on the stairs anyway—think of it as a masochistic prelude.)

Proposition 8 isn't just about civil rights, it's about love and commitment

Hi there,

I don’t tend to post much about politics in this blog, especially nowadays.  But I have something I want to talk to you about that’s more than “just politics.”  It’s about my friends.  It’s about—with semi-apologies to Princess Bride—True Love.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with Proposition 8, I’ll quickly fill you in:  It’s a ballot initiative in California that aims to modify the state constitution to eliminate the right of people to marry the one they love if they’re gay or lesbian.

And let me tell you, it has warmed my heart to see gay and lesbian people I know tie the knot… people who are committed, monogamous, dedicated to their communities.  People who care about schools, who care about our country and the world. 

 

They just want to live out their lives in peace with their loved one.  Pay taxes jointly.  Have full visitation rights if one of them ends up in a hospital.  And, for those whose partner is from outside the U.S., they want to stay in the house they’ve bought together in this very state.

They’re not out to “convert” anyone for goodness sake, despite what some people are trying to scare you into believing.  In fact, I doubt they wish on anyone the challenges and hatred and sometimes even violence they suffered growing up.  I haven’t met a single gay or lesbian person who sees this as “making a statement” or “forcing change” or anything like that.  They just want to be able to love the one they’re with, and have their commitment be recognized fully by both the state and our country.

Perhaps you’re reading this and thinking to yourself, well sure, Adam.  I agree with you.  You’re preaching to the choir!  We used to not let blacks marry whites.  We used to not let people originally from Ireland (and elsewhere) hold jobs amongst us.  Our country has been through so many dark times… the burning of “witches” and the baseless ruining of lives of suspected communists and so on. 

Of course, we’re better now, right?  More and more people, especially young people, know people who are “different” than themselves… work with them, laugh with them, love them.

But I fear that the Yes on Prop 8 people have created uncertainty where there should be clarity and resoluteness.  So let me set the record straight (no pun intended):

• This proposition will not change what kids are taught in school.
  
• It won’t cost you any money.  If anything, it’ll keep more jobs here and maintain / build more revenues via taxes.
  
• Churches won’t lose their tax-exempt status.  The court decision regarding marriage specifically says “no religion will be required to change its religious policies or practices with regard to same-sex couples, and no religious officiant will be required to solemnize a marriage in contravention of his or her religious beliefs.”

*** Learn more about Proposition 8 ***

If you’re straight, voting NO on Prop 8 won’t change your marriage (or for you fellow single folks, your lack of marriage).  Churches can still marry whomever they want.  Parents can still take their kids out of school classes that go against their beliefs.

The only real thing voting NO on Prop 8 will do:
Let two consenting adults marry each other.

*  *  *

Please, let love prevail.  Those of you who are eligible (and haven’t already voted), PLEASE VOTE, and vote No on Prop 8.

Thank you :-D.

Keypoint Credit Union and 24 Hour Fitness Customer Service FAILs

I was carelessly logging into my Keypoint Credit Union account online today, and messed up three times.  BAM—with no prior notice at all, I was locked out of my account.

What would most normal banks do under this circumstance?

Require me to answer additional questions that ideally only I would know before allowing me to try logging in again.

Or throw up a captcha.

Or, at worst, make me wait [x] minutes before allowing me to log in.

Keypoint?  They make you call.  Here’s what I had to do when I phoned in:

- Listen to a welcome announcement

- Navigate through a phone tree

- Enter in lots of data (social security info, phone numbers, home address, etc.)

- Wait for an agent (thankfully not long).

- Wait for the agent—I kidd you not—to put me on hold while he updated my records to show there was no change in my info.

 

 

All in all, a bit over four minutes.  Hardly the end of the world, but a not-insignificant annoyance… particularly if I had been overseas, not near a phone, etc.

So, the $100,000 FDIC Insured Question:  Why couldn’t I have simply been asked to Prove I’m Me... online?  Sheesh.

*  *  *

And now for something even sillier.

I’ve been a member of 24 Hour Fitness for more nearly a decade.  I love my gym at work, but I enjoy being able to take fitness classes on the weekend and such.  So when I learned that 24 Hour Fitness was building a swankier gym literally around the corner from the existing somewhat-cramped gym, I was pretty excited.  Building, building… done!

This past Sunday I admirably dragged myself out of bed, gym bag in tow… and here’s the entertaining (and somewhat baffling) conversation I had with the front desk staffer and the (apparent) manager who walked on over.

ME:  Good morning [handed him my 24 Hour Fitness card]

STAFFER:  Hi.  [Scans card.  Pauses, with confused look…]  Hmm, are you a member?

ME:  Um, yes.  [pointed to card still in his hand, which also had my photo on the back of it].

STAFFER:  But… but… hmm… your membership isn’t good here.

ME:  Yeah, I have a Sport membership, not a Super Sport [rolling eyes invisibly], but I brought this 7 day trial pass. [I hand him the pass].  I’ve thought of upgrading.

STAFFER:  Er… erg… hmm. [looks at paper, turns it over to the blank side, then back over to the unblank side and literally scratches head]

MANAGER:  Hi, can I help you?  [Staffer mumbles confusedly, hands him paper; Manager looks at computer screen]

STAFFER:  Oh, you’re in luck! [Yes, he seriously opened with this line with a straight face] You have a Sport membership, and this is a Super Sport gym, so you’re not eligible to work out here.  But I can have someone walk you around the corner—we have a Sport gym there for you!

ME:  But I logged into my 24 Hour Fitness account online and printed out a trial pass for this gym.  Just wanted to try it out, maybe upgrade and…

STAFFER:  [shaking head] No, no… sorry, that was last week.  Um, we had the open house last week.  It ended.  But here, let me have someone show you the other gym…

ME:  Er, but what about the pass?

STAFFER:  You’re a member, right?

ME:  Yes [pointing to my membership card which was in the hand of a still-rather-confused staffer]

STAFFER:  That’s the thing.  That pass [pointing to tiny print] is only good for non-members.

ME:  So, for the past 4 months, you’ve had flyers up urging members to upgrade, but now we can’t check out the new…er, nevermind, I’ll just head over to the other gym.  Thanks!

*  *  *

I’m thinking about quitting my membership.  The classes aren’t even that great, and I’m embarrassed to be giving my money to a company that’s so consistently clueless.

I, Robot

Hello.  Good day.  A little quiet?

I’m feeling a little blue myself.

You know, A little anxious for no particular reason

A little sad that I should feel anxious at this age.

You know, a little self-conscious anxiety resulting in non-specific sadness.

The state that I call blue.

- spoken by the narrator (“Man In Chair”) in the awesome musical “The Drowsy Chaperone”

Today I am a little sad because of a small heartbreak.

And a little anxious because, well, I should not be admitting this in public.

Real men

don’t

do cry.

But real businessmen… the type who are strong, who manage or mentor, who think of respect and solidness and promotions… they are not bloviatingly blathering on a blog, blissfully or blamefully or otherwise.

Think.  Think of someone you look up to at work.  Do you want to know his private foibles, hear of his personal struggles?  Really?  No. You want someone to look up to.  Someone at least a little bit larger than life.  A rock, or minimally a damn large stone.

You have your own problems, and when you want to schadenfreudically delight in someone else’s problems, you have your TV or paper or favorite internet gossip sites within an arm or eyeball’s reach.

When your current or future dear leaders are feeling blue, they ideally do not show you, much less tell you.

Then again, maybe it’s different today.  Maybe the Live Journalers of the modern era will grow up to be respected leaders… warty angst, noserings and all.  Perhaps someday we’ll view an executive’s late night facebookings with indifference rather than annoyance or scorn.

Or maybe not.  Maybe he or she will methodically scrub, hoping the last trace of emotion is gone.  Here, look, a résumé.  A fine, level-headed portfolio indeed!

And only a strong, competitive, safe, and secure heart.

Doing an expense report for work? Here are some tips

I recently traveled to Brazil and Mexico for work.  That’s damn cool, I admit.  I’m lucky to have that opportunity, grateful to meet so many wonderful people on my journeys and see so many awesome sights.

But, as with many things in life, there’s also a downside.  In this case, I am owed thousands of dollars in hotel, airfare, meal charges, etc., so—of course—I need to file an expense report.  And doing that in three different currencies is no fun, no fun at all.

Procrastinating this effort even further, I just wrote up a blog entry on my company’s internal blog system, but then I realized… heck, maybe others could benefit from my tips.  So without further ado, here they are :-D

• Sweat the small stuff.  “Oh, it’s just a $4 coffee and energy bar!” er, it all adds up, trust me!  Keep track of this.  Along these lines, don’t forget to take into account (and expense) ATM surcharges, reasonable tips (which may not show up on your receipt), etc.
  
  
  
  

• Put as much stuff as you can credit cards.  On the downside, this’ll likely result in an extra 1-3% fee when you are outside your home country, but… you’ll often get extra protections (such as lost luggage assistance, purchase protection, etc.) and as noted above you’ll have backup evidence of expenses in case any of your receipts are lost or stolen.  It also gives you an extra 30-6o days to cover the bills (and get your money back from your company!), which is especially important if you’re on a tight personal budget!
  

• Write down a quick note after every expense, e.g., “Sat Sep 20 dinner, incl 2 colleagues, 1 partner $R152, on Amex.” Note the pertinent details here: the when, what event, who, how $much, and on what card (or “cash”).  Add this to an “Expenses” note in your Blackberry or iPhone, or on a handy notecard in your wallet, etc.  I can’t tell you how much I’m frustrated with myself for overlooking this to-do this trip; now I’m having to piece together, er, which was the dinner where I treated a friend (my expense) or took along a colleague (Google’s expense), etc. I’ll get it right, but it’ll take a lot of extra time.
  

• File your expenses in a timely manner.  Wait too long and you might not even get your money! (there are actually tax laws about this!) But even waiting an “acceptable” amount of time… you forget stuff.  Some receipts may have gotten misplaced in the interim.  Don’t risk it.
  

• Be smart about currency values.  If you’ve been somewhere that has a rapidly fluctuating currency, use reasonable conversion rates from the days you converted your native currency, using your credit card and ATM charges as a guide. Don’t just go on xe.com (admittedly a very cool currency exchange site) and plug in the single conversion number you see today; you could be substantially cheating your company or cheating yourself :-(.

Hope these tips have been helpful :-D

A very quick found-money tip

Earlier this week I spent about 45 seconds and got $134 for my effort. 

It went something like this:

1. Phone rang.  Didn’t recognize number, and was going to let it go to voicemail, but for some reason I answered it.
   
2. “Hi, may I speak with Adam?” [oh no… not a telemarketer!  I braced myself.]
   
3. “This is Angela from [dental group], and I wanted to let you know it’s time for your teeth cleaning…”
   
4. I explained that I had moved and was getting my teeth cleaned by another dentist.
   
5. “Oh!  Well, there’s a $134 credit on your account.  Would you like me to send it to you?”
   
6. Three days later, I found a check for $134 in my mailbox.

Why am I sharing this story with you?  Well, you see, this got me to thinking.  Maybe there are other people who have changed dentists or banks or optometrists, that sort of thing.  And maybe they’re owed money, too.

Perhaps it’s worth checking for a check, eh? :-D

- A public service message from your local BLADAM

Help me raise money for music-in-schools!

Hey there,

I’m passionate about music, and I bet you are, too.  I’m even more excited about giving kids the opportunity to have their lives enriched through music… especially disadvantaged kids who so desperately need beauty, discipline, and ART in their lives!

I just learned today that one of my all-time favorite music sites, Pandora, is teaming up with the fine philanthropic organization, GlobalGiving, to support non-profits in the area of music-for-kids.  Pandora’s even giving free posters to anyone who donates $10 or more (while supplies last).

Here’s how you can get your donation TRIPLED or even QUADRUPLED!:

1) Visit this information page from Pandora.

2) Donate some money to any of the three organizations listed.

3) Let me know about your donation (organization and amount), either via a comment on this entry, on this Friendfeed thread, or via e-mail (to adam at the domain lasnik.net).

4) Check with your employer to see if they offer donation matching!

I will personally donate a minimum of $50, and up to $250 of my own cash, depending on how much you BLADAM readers donate :-D

In other words, if those of you posting a reply here (or in my e-mail) donate $250, I’ll then donate $250.  And my employer, Google, will match that.  And perhaps your employer will match your contribution, too… making our collective donation in this case between $750 and $1000!

I’ll be making my donation this coming Monday evening, so get your donations in now!

  I’ve extended the deadline until Tuesday, Oct 13, 10pm PST

Let’s shoot for $1,000 together… or even more!

P.S.—If any other folks want to also contribute matching funds as part of this, post a comment here and I’ll add your name and offer below.  Let’s see this effort snowball!

*  *  *

Contributions so far:

- Wysz: $50 (+ his employer matching)—$100

- Jen: $10

- Char: $50 (+ her employer matching)—$100

- Jason: $50 (Jason’s employer may also match)

- Katie: $10

- Valerie: $50

- Greg: $50 (+ his employer matching)—$100

- Edythe: $? (amount of donation unknown)

- Adam: $250 (+ my employer matching)—$500

- Tiffany: $50 (+ her employer matching)—$100

SUBTOTAL: $1,020

BUT WAIT… Greg offered to throw in more money if the pool reached $1,000!

- Greg: another $50 (+ his employer matching)—$100

TOTAL:  $1,120.  WE ROCK! :-D

Two Brazil short stories - The Galloping Vendors and the Patient Kindness of Strangers

The Galloping Vendors

There had just been again weeks of violent unrest in the world, but I was quite a few countries away, together in a sprawling São Paulo street market with a colleague and our big happy-but-guarded driver.  The three of us were amiably ambling amidst a big, colorful, confusing, and crowded set of not-quite-straight rows on uneven pavement and outdoor shops and inside shops and coconuts with straws and colorful scarves.  And music CDs and sunglasses and an amusing, sometimes perplexing mishmash of electronic items.  Much of this, if not most, of dubious officialness. 

The majority of these items were sitting on wood planks, next to which sat oft squat, loud, tanned, tired yet eager vendors.

By the hour next, some of these sellers looked vaguely uncomfortable, nervous.  The storm clouds were coming, rain was imminent, and there was palpably a rolling sense of unease.

Fidgeting, bustling, clamoring, much more than before.

Then yelling and a pounding of feet and a thrusting forward of seemingly thousands of people, many of them with those same wooden planks bobbing precariously as the crowd shovingly stumbled, then broke into a run.  It looked at times as if they were almost falling forward, haphazardly heading fast away.

At the same time, fast towards… towards speeding police cars zipping and blaring through the streets, seemingly without regard to the vendors, their wares, or the people buying them.

“INSIDE! GO INSIDE!” shouted our driver.  “NOW!!!”

I wasn’t quite sure which inside he meant, which side of the street.  I was equally unsure of what was happening.  Had there been an explosion?

But I didn’t ponder sitting still.  I ran as well as I could, dodging it all, ducking thankfully into the same store as my colleague and our driver who could hopefully protect and explain.

*  *  *

We were okay.  The crowd passed, the sirens faded into the distance.

Our driver chuckled softly.

“I’m sorry for the situation.”

A raid.  The vendors had not paid the proper taxes.

“I’ve only seen this on the TV.  Never happened to me.  But what an experience, eh?  What a situation!”

He shook his head a bit as we searched for our car.  He told me to not take any more pictures, that it was not a good idea, though after the running-of-the-vendors we’d just survived without impalement, I doubted a few additional photos would contribute measurably to any future danger but I complied nonetheless.  And I thought, I’m glad I wore those ugly strong American sneakers.

“I’m sorry” he said again.  But it was all okay.  The added color was scary but memorable and worthwhile.  I smiled, knowing that my time in Brazil was just beginning and that I was ready.

A view of the marketplace before the storm (See more of my São Paulo gallery)

————————————————————-

The patient kindness of strangers

Maria and I wanted to go to Sugarloaf Mountain but didn’t quite know how.  We made it to the city center by bus, just as we had the days before, but then were a bit stymied.  This second bus didn’t seem to be where Cornelius had, admittedly tenuously, thought it would be, said it would be.  We waited and walked and then—abandoning any pretense of stubbornness or shyness—began to ask around.

One person sent us to another to another, all in a friendly way.  Until we got to the one woman whose name we never got.  Perhaps she said it, since she said a lot, quite a lot.  When it became quite clear that our limited Spanish and her limited Spanish were not going to mesh productively, she decided upon the show-and-tell method.  She herded us to a spot which was noticeably not very near the spots we had spotted before, and then she waited with us.

Waited and talked and talked, pretty much all in Portuguese.  Neither Maria nor I speak Portuguese, and I think the woman knew that, but she spoke on rapidly and happily and pointedly despite that unfortunate but apparently-not-show-stopping linguistic gap.  Every once in a while she’d pause, and we’d continue to nod, and she’d carry on, obviously as pleased to be with us as we were befuddled-yet-grateful to be with her.

*  *  *

Twenty minutes and many words and smiles and nods later, the right bus came to take us to Sugarloaf Mountain.  We clasped each others hands, I think maybe even hugged, just as we did with the majority of Brazilians we had the distinct pleasure of meeting, and then waved goodbye while speaking the only Brazilian we knew: Obrigado.

A view from Sugarloaf Mountain (See other photos I took in Rio)

 

Why this blog doesn't decently render in Chrome

UPDATE:  Vinny sent me a script that fixes it.  Much thanks!

—-

Right after I wrote a neato article on Chrome and Google Bookmarks, my blog stopped “working” in Chrome.  I finally figured out why.

Apparently, the script set that powers my dropdown menu—the “Accessible Website Dropdown Menu”—is written to look for the string “Apple Computer” in a browser’s useragent and serve webkit-oriented stuff to those browsers.  But Chrome now lists “Google inc.” in the user agent.

More details are in the bug report I filed (which, rightly, was marked “works as intended,” since it’s a script problem, not a Chrome bug).

If any folks more adept at JS than I am want to either help me fix this or—better yet—help the UDM folks fix it, that’d be super :-D.

Google's new browser, Chrome, and Google Bookmarks

Have you tried Google’s new browser, “Chrome”?  It’s fast and it rocks.  But there’s no Google Toolbar!  How can you bookmark pages to a central location (Google Bookmarks)?  Here’s how, in just a few quick and easy steps :-D.

1. First, download Chrome (duh!) :-D.
   
2. If you don’t already see a bookmarks bar (right below the address bar or “omnibar” and above the actual web page) turn it on by hitting CTRL-B (you can hide it anytime by hitting CTRL-B again).
   
3. Visit this help page on Google Chrome and bookmarking.
   
4. Go ahead and—you guessed it—drag that little box to the bookmarks area of Chrome.

VOILA!  Now whenever you want to bookmark a page, just click on that little bookmark.

*  *  *

But what happens when you want to find that page again?

Well, for one thing, Chrome’s omnibar is pretty damn smart… even smarter than you might initially expect!  Try typing just a few letters from that site’s URL or title and it may very well show up for you in the omnibar :-D. But if you still want to see all your bookmarks, you can do one of two things:

• Revisit Google Bookmarks OR
  
• Check out the cooler experience of Google Notebook, and you'll find all your bookmarks under the UNFILED folder (click on the left), where you can annotate, group, and optionally share your favorite bookmarks with friends.

* * *

Hope these tips help you enjoy Chrome even more!

* * *

EDITED on Wednesday, September 3 to add:

Thank you to Simon B for the improved link to the bookmarklet! :-D

Airlines charging by the pound (including your personal weight); good idea?

My friend Greg and I just had a fascinating and extensive discussion about the concept of airlines charging their customers by the weight of their bodies + luggage. 

The way we envisioned it, all airlines tickets would be composed of exactly two fees: a seat fee (fixed) and a weight fee (variable).  This is hardly our original idea; I’ve seen similar suggestions pondered on the web before.  But nonetheless, I thought it’d be interesting to reflect upon some implementation ideas as well as pros and cons.

Implementation

• Get estimates up front.
  Ask for estimated weight in airfare comparison sites and airline sites to avoid shock and extra processing work at the airport.


• Get money up front.
  Collect money for seat fee plus weight fee upon booking.  Offer a refund for cases in which people overestimate their weight.  Levy strong surcharges (e.g., 25%) for those who significantly underestimate their weight.


• Be discreet about each individual’s weight.
  Present a total of person-weight + luggage-weight, or even just a surcharge total.


• Price the weight fee as a pound/kilogram per mile.
  This makes sense, since extra weight costs more on a long trip than a short trip.


• Incorporate increases and decreases in fuel costs into the $/weight charge.
  Instead of levying a separate fuel surcharge, airlines could simply increase the $/weight charge on all their flights (e.g., from $1.20 per pound-mile to $1.42 per pound mile).


• Avoid pissing off frequent flyers re: mileage points
  Grandfather in earlier ticket purchases, and for a limited time let people redeem the same number of points for the same class of flights as before.  After that, charge something like 15,000 miles for a round trip flight (instead of 25K) + weight fee, or 25,000 miles for a round trip flight inclusive of [x] pounds/kilograms.  Establish a ratio so that for the average or median flyer, they’ll get exactly the same $/point(mile) as before.

Benefits / pros

• Greater fairness in charges
  People who are light-weight (in body and/or luggage) will no longer subsidize those whose bulk costs the airlines appreciably more in fuel expenses.


• Greater incentive to pack light
  This in turn may reduce luggage handling costs (fewer people and machines and conveyor belts needed) and decrease luggage delivery delays.  It’s also likely to reduce the cramping of overhead space in planes.


• Possible extra push for people to lose weight
  Especially those folks who are both obese and frequent travelers will be incentivized to lose weight.  This will contribute to their health, and also the comfort of those flying next to them.


• Potential optimization in seating
  Particularly if airlines request both person-weight and luggage-weight estimates from passengers, they could theoretically optimize seating for safety, fuel efficiency, and comfort (e.g., not placing too large people next to each other).


• A potentially big revenue boost in Q4 for airlines
  Given the carriage of Thanksgiving food and Christmas gifts, airlines could see a nice bump in their income in November and December.

Disadvantages / cons

• A huge outcry from privacy advocates
  People might be loathe to tell airlines how much they weight, and would likely be equally horrified at having to step on scales in front of others at the airport.


• Uncertainty of final ticket price
  Many people—especially those barely scraping enough cash together for a family vacation—might be frustrated by the uncertainty of airfare prices and/or stunned and dismayed by weight overage fees levied at the airport.


• Greater inefficiencies at the airport
  The last thing we all want is MORE delays at the airport.  Imagine the extra time required to weight every single passenger and assess extra charges (or issue refunds)... particularly to those without credit cards (yes, I know it’s hard to imagine, but there are apparently people who pay cash or write checks even for things like airfare!).


• Claims of discrimination and unfairness
  I bet we all have at least one friend who is quite obese… perhaps even obese and financially challenged.  I can imagine that many of these folks would simply be unable to afford flying to visit family and friends with the imposition of weight fees.


• A potential mess online
  Ultimately, it doesn’t seem that it’d be so outlandish for airfare comparison sites and airline sites to ask for folks’ weight and—using airline-provided $/weight numbers—provide total estimated costs for each flight fare inquiry.  But at least initially, there’d likely be a lot of confusion and havoc.

*  *  *

Are weight-surcharges a good idea?  Do you think the airlines would be able to successfully implement them?  And have I forgotten any key pros or cons?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this :-D

 

Tipping online -- Stupid or brilliant or both?

Have you heard about TipJoy and the still-very-small phenomena of tipping (real money) on the web?

It’s quite fascinating, in my opinion, and I certainly have very mixed feelings on this issue.

PLUSES:

• I admire how the founder gets “out there” to talk about his service... but not only about his service. 
  
• I think there’s a true need to reward outstanding authors/contributors on the web with real money, and I think tipping is better than huge ad clutter / massively off-topic ads.
  
• In particular, I love the idea of tipping in the context of supporting artists and art online.  Give me great MP3s, and then give me a culture in which MANY of us offer tips… even $2-7/album, which’d be WAY more than the artist would normally get via CDs or iTunes, etc.
  
• TipJoy is pretty easy to use.
  
• The fees seem reasonable.

MINUSES:

• I hate tipping as an institution overall, at least in the “real” world.  Hate hate hate it!  Why shouldn’t people just be paid a decent living wage? By extension, then, one could argue… why shouldn’t bloggers and artists online just be able to charge an honest fee for their work?  The answer, of course, is that too many of us are freetards, if you’ll forgive the nickname I’ve stolen from Fake Steve Jobs.  We expect, no, we DEMAND content / entertainment / information for free.  Frankly, that in itself seems horribly messed up, but I digress.
  
• TipJoy, and indeed, tipping on the web on the whole hasn’t gotten anywhere near the—no pun intended—tipping point.  People aren’t gonna tip unless they see many other people tipping.  So it makes me feel, sheesh, does my 10cent tip mean anything at all?  The fact that TipJoy now offers tippers the option to broadcast their donations is a step in the right direction (Friendfeed does this as well), but it’s nonetheless a small step.
  
• It’s still not seamless.  With TipJoy—one of the more fluid / well-set-up services, IMHO—you still have to sign up for an account, fund the account… and to fund it, you still have to use (at least for now) the evil PayPal.  Blech :(

*  *  *

Don’t just read, do!  Give it a try :-D

Clicking the button at the bottom of this post will establish for you sort of an “IOU” of, well, 20 cents (TipJoy will, I believe, ask you to pay up via PayPal when you’ve tipped a total of $5 around the web).

What do you think?

Anyway, even more than your donations, I look forward to hearing your thoughts about not only TipJoy, but also the idea of tipping on the web.  Do you think it will ever become popular?  If so, what will need to happen in order to make it an oft-used part of the web economy?

Gmail tip: Use "Quick Links" to help you find important mail quickly

Do you use Gmail?  The new “Quick Links” feature, offered via Google’s Gmail Labs project, can help save you time and highlight important mail.

WHAT QUICK LINKS DOES

Think of it as sort of a “Saved searches” feature :-D.  Basically, you can take any search and “save” it so that it appears as an option under a Quick Links menu on the lefthand side of your Gmail screen.  For instance, one of my favorite quick links is this saved search: “TO:me IN:inbox.”  When I click on this link now, it shows me all mail that’s been sent to me personally that’s still in my inbox, weeding out all the “junk” bulk mail… e.g., newsletters, ads from vendors, etc.  Other options could be showing mail just from a specific time period that has attachments, mail that is starred but not in your inbox, etc.

 

HOW TO GET THE QUICK LINKS FEATURE IN YOUR GMAIL

1) Go to your Gmail.

2) Click on “Settings” at the top of the page.

3) Then click on “Labs”

4) You’ll find many add-ons, or labs features which may interest you.  Enable “Quick Links” and/or any other labs features you like.

5) Lastly, click “Save changes” at the bottom.

HOW TO USE QUICK LINKS

1) Type in any search into Gmail (in the regular search bar, or using the Advanced Search).

2) Click “Add Quick Link” on the lefthand side of your Gmail page.  Voila! :-D

*  *  *

For those of you who have used Quick Links, what are some of the favorite / most useful / most creative links you’ve created?

I'm Yoga'ing and I feel a bit like Homer Simpson

Today I completed my third yoga session.  The class is taught by an apparently-quite-skilled (and patient and helpful!) instructor here at the main Google gym, and she’s noted that it’s essentially “Iyengar-flow” style.

I, however, have decided to nickname it D’oh-whoa style.  D’oh: not in a painful sense, but in a OH HAI I HAZ HIDDN MUSSELS kinda way.  And whoa: just absolute wow in watching my classmates.

Let me clarify.  This class—though filled with more intermediate/advanced folks than beginners—features people of many ages and all body types.  I’m staring at shapes and movements… people doing handstands and headstands and balancing with grace… and I’m admiring deceptively simple and stunning lines.

Maybe it’s my background as a dancer that has me being so observant, so in awe, and also so embarrassed that my body is not moving like that, probably will never move like that.  And yet, despite my dancing experiences and mindset, I’m also feeling a bit shy and embarrassed about staring.  Perhaps being a guy (but, interestingly, far from the only guy in this class) is partly to blame for my self-consciousness… not primarily about my own un-performance, but about my watching of others, learning, trying to do what they’re doing, feeling what they’re feeling.

*  *  *

The instructor kindly noted that—while most can achieve great improvement and wonderful results from yoga—some are innately, genetically predisposed to being able to do certain things.  I, seemingly, do not have such genes.

But I’ve already felt good things from this class.  I’ve enjoyed the feeling of stretchiness and the body awareness afterward (with surprisingly and happily not too much soreness).  And after each class, I seem to be in a better mood than before I hit the mat.

So I’ll likely continue this, along with my (typically) once-weekly weight lifting and about once-weekly swing dancing and/or waltzing.  You may note that all of these activities have two things in common:  they’re improving my body, but they’re also at least slightly social.  Sure, there’s very minimal talking in yoga, but there’s a pleasure in the familiarity; I’ve already seen several folks I know from around the ‘plex, and this is both motivating and comforting.

*  *  *

Have any of you tried yoga?  If so, what kinds, and do you have any words of wisdom or encouragement for me? :-D

Of little sleep, many chances, big dreams

Tuesday I will be in Mountain View.  Tomorrow I will be in Frankfurt with good friends and many drunk loud Germans screaming at a big TV. Tonight beyond the witching hour I declined an adventure in Koeln, being the wise or stupid one.  Today I was rocking out with people from 10 to 79 and also teaching a tango dancer to waltz to a band playing surprisingly damn good cover songs.  Also today I unexpectedly toured Bonn for two hours with a beautiful new also-unexpected friend, played piano for an entire wedding in Sankt Augustin, and ate a breakfast of bread, sausage and cheese for the many-hundredth time.

Now I am not clubbing. I am not answering any work e-mail.  I am recharging my phone, my camera, and I am thinking.  And yes, writing.

Writing and thinking about how every new experience, every new friendship brings discovery, along with often joy, wistfulness, confusion… reminders of what was, what will not be, and choices.  Always choices.

Sometimes I envy those with simple lives.  They grow up and die in the same small land.  They marry their high school sweetheart.  They are neither worldly nor stupid.  They don’t have huge dreams to dream or to shatter or to just miss by a teeny tiny what if or an almost or a one-courage-short.  With small dreams come exponentially smaller risks, fewer disappointments, less uncertainty.  And certainly less angst.

I travel a lot.  I see a lot.  I have friends in more countries than I can count on my two hands doubled, and close distant friends in at least one hands-worth.  They’re so far away.  They’re having kids, they’re changing, they’re focusing.

And I… I am still exploring.  Sometimes regretting.  But—in those moments when I let my mind wander in the way that is not wandering to procrastinate or to forget—I am more wondering.  I cannot change what I’ve done and what I’ve become, but will I make better choices tomorrow?  Or, rather, will they be more important choosings of the things that matter, not which coupon site mint gum new web too oh site cool phone app sock alignment?

So here I sit, much loved and alone in yet another hotel room.  And I wonder if they are fast asleep or wondering, too.

Dear PayPal - Please shrivel up and die

I like paying for things with a credit card.  It’s typically pretty fast (especially with those merchants that don’t require a signature for

<$25 purchases). It's secure. And I earn travel rewards for every dollar I spend.

So when it comes to the occasional purchase online that I can only buy via PayPal I cringe. Why? Because PayPal really really really doesn't want me to pay with a credit card, and they'll harrass me about this during every checkout, creating a user-hostile experience each and every time I use their dog-forsaken service.

A friend recently lamented that

it took eight clicks for them to buy something on PayPal.  That sounds about right.  You see, PayPal defaults users to paying from their bank account… so we have to search for a tiny “more funding options” link and then select the credit card, then be subjected to a long whiny please “Are you absolutely positively sure that you don’t want to pay from your bank account?  It’s really a better option yadda yadda yadda…” followed by a charmingly shifting yes/no set of buttons.

Look, PayPal, I want to pay by credit card.  I’ve told you this more than a dozen times.  I’ve also read/skimmed/ignored your stupid please-don’t-pay-by-credit-card notice more than a dozen times.  And, by the way, I’m well aware that you already pass on extra associated charges to your merchants when buyers pay by credit card.

So SOD OFF!  Either let me set “pay by credit card” in my preferences somewhere, or leave me the frack alone.

In the meantime, I’m hoping you go out of business, to be replaced by a company that doesn’t repeatedly spit on its users.

ADDENDUM / DISCLAIMERS:

- I work for Google, which offers a somewhat-competing service called Google Checkout. I use and like that service, but am not part of the Checkout team.

- My anger towards PayPal may seem heavy given the seemingly light-transgression described above.  But it’s just the last straw.  PayPal has a history of thumbing its corporate nose at its users, and I’ve had the displeasure of using PayPal for many years as a buyer and seller on ebay.

Where the hell is Matt? -- Huge smiles guaranteed!

Today’s entry is short and wonderful.  Behold, in the video below, Matt Harding… “dancing” around the world, one city at a time.  At the 54 second mark, watch the video really come alive when he delights countless locales who join in the dancing… and, i guarantee, charms all of you watching, too :-D.

For more information, see www.wherethehellismatt.com.

Also, you really really must see his other videos (linked under his name).

Edited on June 23 to add: Thank you to Bee for pointing out my URL typo! Now fixed :-D

Adventures in flying, part 13

Once again, I was off to Germany… home of good friends, heavy food, wacky long sentences, and Lufthansa, the airline whose plane I was unceremoniously squished into not like a sardine, but wurst.

I had the foot-munching-tray aisle to my right, and a stupendously larger-than-life and dumber-than-devil-fossils young fella to my left.  To his left sat an acquaintance of his, seemingly of equal gelatinousness and dimwittedness. For the purposes of this entry, we’ll call them Slad and Elad, respectively if not respectfully.

*  *  *

Slad had no sense.  No sense of etiquette, culture, space, or time.  No sense at all, really.  And he was happy to share this nonsense with me, loudly… cheerfully interrupting the safety instructions which were actually melodious and fascinating in comparison.

Slad:  HEY!

Me: Hi.

Slad:  THEY’RE TALKING GERMAN!

Me: Yeah.

Slad:  WHY ARE THEY TALKING GERMAN?

Me: It’s Lufthansa, a German airline.

Slad:  [A look even blanker than usual]

Me: ...And we’re going to Germany, so there are Germans on board.

Only the first part had sunk in.  And barely at that.

Slad:  LUFTHANGLE?

Me:  Lufthansa.

Slad:  YEAH!?  BUT THEY’RE STILL TALKING GERMAN!

Me:  [speechless]

About 30 minutes into the flight…

Slad:  HEY?

Me:  Yeah?

Slad:  HEY!  UM, I SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING.

Me:  You’re pregnant?

[er, actually…]

Me:  Yes?

Slad:  SOMETIMES I GET TIRED.  AND I GO TO SLEEP AND, LIKE, LEAN TO ONE SIDE. [gesticulates in the most unfortunate of directions.  My direction.]

Slad:  SO IF I DO, YOU CAN PUSH ME.  IT’S OKAY.

Me:  [Nodding, once again quite speechless]

Slad:  AND I CAN’T SLEEP WITH THIS ARM REST [pointing to the last barrier between the two of us].  SO I’LL MOVE IT.

Me:  Uh, um… I…

Slad:  [moving armrest] MRUMPH AAHHHH.

It was about at this time that I chuckled inwardly and looked for the camera.  I had finally figured out what was happening; I was now the unwitting future star of “American’s Funniest Videos… in the Sky!”

Except I wasn’t.  There was no camera.  On the stage that mattered at the moment, there was just me, Slad, and his up-‘til-now mute-and-slackjacked buddy.  The audience, if one considered it to exist, was likely amusedly credulous and undoubtedly happy to be more or less apart from the action.

*  *  *

Another hour later, I discovered that there was loving, needy-yet-giving part of Slad… which was manifested by his tender-but-firm nuzzling of his head on my shoulder, his hands in a further solid embrace upon my upper arm.  Adding to the unreality of the circumstances was Slad’s increasingly-window-rattling snort-snores.

Temporarily frozen in a powerfully combimatic state of disbelief, amusement, and horror, I began to contemplate the most efficient and effective methods of extrication.

Elad was also clearly experiencing a combination of emotions, but unlike me, was decidedly unfrozen.  In a quick flash, Elad grabbed one of the dirty-and-unsoft airline pillows and aimed to violently wack his compatriot-in-stupidity out of his amorous slumber.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Elad was bereft not only of speech and thought, but also aim. THWWWWACK! went the pillow into my face.  I was now, even more than before, very, very awake.  In contrast, Slad simply missed a snort-snore beat, which was replaced by a relatively mild gruntle before the rhythms of his sleep began anew.

It was long past time for a heave-ho.  I pushed Slad to the left, causing him to flop onto Elad.  Elad—stunned at this apparently not-before-experienced leftleaningness of his duncetwin—did the only thing he knew how to do.  He shoved back.

A soon-mostly-awake and thoroughly befuddled Slad was catapulted squishily into my lap.  Dimly ascertaining that he wasn’t where I wanted him to be, he grabbed my thigh with one hand and—with all his weight—gruntily pushed himself mostly upright.

*  *  *

I looked around in desperation.  A couple sympathetic looks, but no empty seats.  I was tempted to tell Slad that there was a big case of beer on the other end of the exit sign, but I deduced that:

1) He’d really fall for it.

2) He undeniably had the heft to easily open or at least gleefully smash through the emergency exit door.

3) I’d have even a more miserable flight at that point.

So what could I do?  I rotated through the possibilities in my head:

“Excuse me, but these guys are bear hugging and pillow fighting me!”

No, no, that made it sound very warm and fuzzy.  And I was not feeling warm and fuzzy.

“Pardon me, ma’am, but my seatmates are so dumb, I fear that they’re sucking brain matter out of me and it hurts.”

An evocative and perhaps all-too-true observation, but also unlikely to result in a satisfactory resolution.

*  *  *

Slad: HEY!

Me:  Hi.

Slad:  WE ALMOST THERE?

Me:  Not soon enough.  Not nearly soon enough.

Bureaucratic snafu snags Catholic Priest and leaves me wondering: what's my role?

A friend of mine just let me know of a frustrating and seemingly unfair issue in his neck of the woods:  A popular and much-loved priest in South Dakota is apparently about to be deported due to what seems to be a pretty lame bureaucratic snafu (pemanent residency application accepted but later lost/misplaced).  An advocacy site is here: HelpFather.

But nothing is quite as simple or as black-and-white as it seems, of course, at least in my mind :-)

Here are reasons why I was tempted not to post this on my blog:

- I’m agnostic, and am not a fan of Catholic doctrine / influence / etc.

- This matter’s already gotten press.  What more could my humble blog do?

- Speaking of my humble blog, and selfishly for a moment, would my readers really care about this somewhat-local-oriented issue at all?

- This guy’s a priest.  Can’t he just pray for this to get fixed?  If that’s ineffective, maybe it’s God’s will for him to return to Ireland?

- There are always at least two sides to every issue.  Can we trust that the folks advocating on behalf of this priest are telling the whole story?

And reasons why I ultimately posted this:

- A favor to my friend :-)

- Someone’s gotta help the little guy.  And this one seems like a nice fella, mired in an uncaring and often-crappy bureaucracy.

- I do have some power as a blogger.  Perhaps by helping get this guy’s predicament known outside of South Dakota I—and my readers—could make a difference.

- Sometimes it’s the little things in life that matter.  Is this guy really important in the grand scheme of things?  Maybe not.  But he means a lot to my friend and my friend’s family.  Lots of small things, “small people”... they all add up, all contribute to the richness of communities, to our planet.

- And, let’s be honest here… I bet people are more interested in this story than in my swinger blatherings, no? :-P (hmm… I’m combining a priest-related posting with a swinger reference; it’s a good thing I am agnostic, or I’d be going to hell :D).

*  *  *

What about you?

What do you think of this priest’s situation? Of me posting this on my blog?

Three short tales of not speak English

Something you can count on

I managed to get up at 8am to go to the gym today.  This is impressive, because:

- Today is Saturday.

- I went to the gym yesterday.

But that’s not really the story here.  Rather, we had a substitute teacher for our gym class who giggled in an adorable, Japanese-school-girl’ish way, and apologized for not speaking much English.  Continuing on in mildly broken English, she pleaded for us to just follow her and everything would be okay.

Okay, then. But I soon realized that something wasn’t quite okay.

Before long, it was clear that she had a pretty impressive and ready vocabulary for someone who “no speak much English.”  The only consistent FAIL part was her use, er, abuse of numbers.

“Just four more!... Okay… Eight, Seven, Six…”

“Last one!  Good!... Ten, nine…”

By the end of class, I was convinced that her English was just fine.  Indeed, her masochistic promising of “almost done!” and “just one more!” was simply an oft used evil trick of gym trainers seeking to perversely motivate people, Peanuts style (“Of course I’m not going to move the football, Charlie Brown!”)

*  *  *

Checking out my German

About a decade ago, I found myself living in Germany.  My entire German knowledge was squeezed in beforehand by a handful of one-hour German tutoring lessons and a “Learn German Today!” type book which I frantically eyeballed for the first 42 minutes of my flight to Germany before semi-dozing off.

In due time I managed—out of intense personal interest and self-preservation concerns—to learn approximately 1,742 food words.  But other vocabularies were more difficult and more risky.  Therefore, when it was time for me to set up a checking account, I knew without a doubt that it was time to plead for English.

In the Deutsche Bank in Mannheim, all in German…

Me: Good morning.  Do you speak English?

Bank Frau, beaming mischievously: No, no I don’t.  But you speak good German!

Me, getting both scared and frustrated:  Hmm.  Does anyone speak English here?

Bank Frau:  No, only German.

Young woman behind her, now also smiling broadly:  Correct, only German.  Speak German, please.

I think I subsequently set the record for longest-time-to-set-up-checking-account.  Thankfully, I inexplicably escaped ending up with a home loan, a retirement account, seven different German Gov’t bonds, and a free t-shirt proclaiming “Ich Bin Ein Berliner.”

*  *  *

The brilliantly stupid Spanish teacher

Back in junior high, when I struggling through Spanish class, my dad told me a little story about an old high school teacher of his, whom we’ll call Señor Gonzalez.  Señor Gonzalez apparently didn’t speak English.  ANY English. 

“Lo siento, no hablo inglés.  Español, por favor.” y “Cómo? Cómo? No hablo inglés!”

And, as you can imagine, this was both incomprehensible and maddening to my dad and his fellow first-year Spanish students.

Bravely or masochistically, my dad stuck with this teacher for all four years of high school, improving his Spanish greatly.  The same linguistic improvement seemingly couldn’t be claimed by Señor Gonzalez, however; despite living in the heart of America for undoubtedly far more than my dad’s four years of high school, the stubborn Spaniard still spoke not a lick of English.

Eager to take a break from his studies, my dad got tickets for the senior prom and arrived early to help set up.  As he began walking around to the back of the auditorium, he overheard Señor Gonzales quietly talking with the principal:

“Yeah, looks like we’re gonna need some more punch and…”

My dad stood at the door entrance, jaw dropped and staring in disbelief at the English-without-an-accent-Gonzalez.

“Uh… uh… hola, Jerry!  Cómo estás?

*  *  *

Have you had any similar experiences?  Ever faked not speaking English (or another language) that you actually know?

Paradox of choice

I’m not a crazy athlete, but I like working out at the gym and also dancing a few times a week.

Finding good dance shoes wasn’t so hard for me.  I got personal recommendations from some of my lindy hopping friends, and was also delighted that the friendly folks at dancestore.com were happy to offer personalized suggestions over the phone.  For the record (and now from personal experience), I recommend that all lindy hoppers get this dance sneaker; it makes turning and spinning a breeze.

But I’m having a much harder time finding good cross-training and running shoes.  I’ve had good luck with New Balance shoes in the past, but it’s hard to find a good selection of ‘em locally in my size, so I decided to go online.  Sure enough, via Amazon.com or Zappos and undoubtedly countless other sites, I have a choice of zillions of shoes.  And that would be okay if there was some help filtering… but there’s not! :o

 

Yes, you can do a search and narrow down by technology, but you end up having to do sets of half a dozen clicks repeatedly to decipher the meaning of brandspeak features (NBZip, Abzorb, etc.), and then lots of clicking back and so on.

I want one of the following:

- A nice wizard that asks me what I want to do with the shoes (running, walking, activities that require lateral stability like kickboxing, etc.), lets me specify a price range, style type, etc., and then recommends a set of shoes for me.

- A comprehensive table (in HTML, Flash, PDF, I don’t care) that shows a list of shoes, approximate street prices, features, target activity, etc.

Because right now, let me tell you, I’m tempted to say $#!* it and just stick with my current trusty shoes and go do something more fun like, oh, floss my teeth or relabel my matchbook collection or lock myself in a closet with Vanna White night after night after night.  In other words, New Balance, NO SALE FOR YOU.

Major brands, listen up.  In this world of an increasingly crazy amount of choices, you need to do the following if you want to remain competitive:

- Make your content FINDABLE by people and search engines.

- Make it ACCESSIBLE so, for instance, I can look up stats on your shoes on my phone when I’m at the local sports store with too-busy or ignorant salesfolks.

- Make the info DIGESTIBLE so I can learn what I need to know and make informed decisions

- Make the damn thing EASY TO BUY, but I’m guessing you’ve heard that enough times already from other frustrated bloggers.

- Offer outstanding SUPPORT post-sale.

- Give me ONGOING INFO but only when and how I want it (customized e-mail newsletters that I can easily unsubscribe from, RSS feeds, etc.)

*  *  *

In the meantime, if anyone knows of a good athletic shoe guide or chart and such, let me know :-D.

Oh, and watch this video on The Paradox of Choice.  I had the pleasure of hearing this fellow at a Google TechTalk; Professor Schwartz is an engaging speaker and absolutely spot-on in his commentary.

(it’s even close captioned!)

EPIC DIET FAIL

Yesterday, I bought “Wii Fit” (a balance board + training CD). I decided I was really committed to exercise more and eat right. Today, unfortunately, I missed breakfast due to a dentist appointment and came into work late.  I grabbed a pack of cashews… not too bad.

And that’s when it happened.  Charles walked by my desk.

“Cafe 150?” he suggested.

“I just ate a bit ago, but thanks.  I’ll grab lunch later.”

“Seared ahi tuna!” he added, temptingly.

(Hmm, I thought to myself, that sounds pretty healthy).

“And prime rib.  And buffalo wings!”

Oh boy.  Maybe I’ll go and just eat the tuna.

I did, but I didn’t.  What I did have was this:

- Chef salad

- Seared ahi tuna with wasabi crème fraiche

- Prime rib with horseradish cream

- Rice pilaf with almonds, onions, carrots, and peas

- Steam spring veggies with butter and parsley

- Saffron rice

One of the chefs was walking by and kindly pointed out an intriguing big brown vat.  This, then, led me to

- Chocolate-peanut-butter-milk

Right next to it was the dessert table.  Being the disciplined guy that I am, I just grabbed one… to go, even.  Which resulted in my procurement of

- Apricot Caramel bread pudding

with blackberries, condensed milk, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice; served with chocolate cream cheese

*  *  *

With some off-the-napkin calculations, I believe it would take approximately 42 hours of intensive aerobics with the Wii Fit to burn the calories I’ve just consumed.

This, I think, could be classified as EPIC DIET FAIL :-\

Unmushy And Obnoxiously Geeky Thoughts on Love

In junior high, I was not thinking about love.

In high school, love was for everyone but me.

In undergrad, love was only for the Bad Boys.

In grad school, I was delighted to realize that good guys could find love, too.

And now, I am tempted to believe that love is surprisingly, frustratingly, completely random.

The Rational Me yearns to apply logic to love, typically less out of need than pure intellectual curiosity.  Do [x] and you will find love.  Be [y] and you will find love.  Or, most simplistically and IMHO reasonably, be a Good Person and you will be well-deserving of love and will be correspondingly likely to find it.

And yet, despite seemingly having many data points, I fail to find many firm correlations, much less prerequisites or guarantees.

What triggered this musing?  Well, I was out last Saturday night and bantering with two acquaintances I much admire.  Both professed almost matter-of-factly that they were single and—despite wishes to the contrary—expected to remain so for the foreseeable future.  They had, at least for the time being, pretty much given up on men.  And to stave off the anticipated finger-pointing, no, I am not a decent match due to some rather solid reasons.  And further pre-empting unwise contributions from the peanut gallery: no, blogging on a Friday night does not a loser make, and commenting on such timing can hardly make one an erudite pundit. ;-)

Anyway, these women are quite bright, athletic, artistic, thoughtful, friendly, and attractive.  “Good people.”  And single.

And yet, in painful contrast, I have the displeasure of too-frequently encountering masses of woefully mismatched pairs… of dense men with brilliant women, supercilious women with kindly men, and so on.  Ah, and given a recent (outstanding) California event, let me add, in timeliness and fairness:  slothful men with industrious men.

Where once I bitterly rued a chasm of inopportunity (unopportunity?) in the world of dating and love, now I see delicious opportunity tinged by capriciousness and chaos.  Certainly a marked and personally-much-appreciated improvement, yes, but undeniably annoying when considering the greater scheme of things.  Yes, not everything can or even should be quantified, analyzed, predicted, even explained… but a bit more karmic matching would be nice.  If somehow the Good folks could consistently win in the game of love, Darwin might not be appeased but we’d likely have a kinder, more productive, and happier society long-term.  And as a refreshing bonus, I’d not be stuck in awkward conversations trying to defend the lameness, timidness, or simply cluelessness of my male brethren.

Great ways to discover and (legally) listen to music online

Here are a few thoughts on music services I’m in love with online.  CAVEAT:  Many, if not all of these only work in a limited number of countries due to lame licensing complications… typically the United States, often coupled with Canada and/or the UK.  And it’d be wrong, oh so wrong to use proxies to get around this ;-).

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I just learned that on Last.fm you can not only play tons of (full length!) songs on demand now, but do so without even having an account.  This makes it a great service to share neat music finds with others!

Here’s an example:

The short, catchy, and wordless 47 Reasons, from the charming and often hilarious a cappella group, The Bobs.

Downside:  Individuals are technically only supposed to be able to stream a song full-length three times.

Other music services online that I love:

• Yahoo Music Unlimited, but it’s being discontinued soon, sending all of its members to…
  
• Rhapsody, with limited free streaming online and a service that offers memberships with unlimited streaming / tethered downloading for $13-$15/month.  Great selection of artists and tunes!
  
• Imeem, which—like Last.fm—also lets you stream a ton of awesome music full-length for free… and on Imeem you can even embed/share it, too, but all of this only for folks who are logged in.  Others get 30 second snippets.  Still, better than nothing… and better than services like iTunes which require you to use proprietary software.
  
• Pandora, which doesn’t let you stream on demand or download, but it’s a fabulous (and free) online radio service that learns quickly what you love. Not just artists or genres, but actual sounds... swing feel, lots of trumpets, major keys, fast tempos, etc.  Note that you can establish many different stations to fit your mood (big band jazz, laid back acoustic piano, etc.). Try this one out, create a couple of stations, seed ‘em with a few artists and/or song names, and then rate a handful of songs (thumbs up, thumbs down).  You’ll be amazed and grateful :-D.

Have thoughts on the ones I’ve listed above?  And are there other music services online that you love and I haven’t mentioned? 

[Hat tip for Last.fm info: DeWitt Clinton]

An example of (usually) effective communications

I recently joined an interesting little aggregator / life-streaming sort of service called FriendFeed.  I’m finding both the service and the customer service to be admirable.  Here’s a recent set of comments on their support list from one of the founders:

That is a very good point [...] this was unintended [...] This was a bad decision, and we will undo it promptly today.  Thanks for bringing this to our attention.

And then soon after:

This issue has been fixed and pushed [live to production]

This, typically along with other communications from the company, contains several core components of what I feel is (typically) effective customer service communications.  The note…

- Thanks the user for the feedback.

- Acknowledges the problem.

- Expresses regret.

- Specifies action that will be taken.

- Confirms the action, reiterates the appreciation, and closes the loop.

Or, more succinctly, here’s an often-good cycle for similar situations:  Thank, Acknowledge, Apologize, Promise, Provide closure.

So why don’t more companies communicate in this way?

 

- As companies grow, particularly into mass markets, their users may not be reasonable or respectful.  This makes it harder to diagnose and communicate.

- Also as companies grow, this type and tone of support becomes less doable.  Personal responses from those who are actually doing the coding certainly doesn’t scale, and responses from intermediaries may end up being little more than canned responses.

- Acknowledging a mistake can—especially in the charmingly litigious culture of America—lead to additional liability from shareholders, angry/greedy customers, etc.

- Sometimes the problem and/or the next steps are not inherently clear.  Saying, “We’re not yet sure if this is a problem, and are not sure if/when we can change the behavior” is likely not to play well in Peoria.

So given an “ideal” and the challenges listed above, what might be some good common ground for customer-service-oriented communications?

- Acknowledge receipt of the message. 

- Manage expectations (don’t promise a response if you can’t deliver).

- If you have automated, non-1:1 support offerings, make them effective and delighting rather than cold and cumbersome.

- Remember that, for a wide swath of your users, English is not their mother tongue. 

- In correspondence, use your name.  Even a first name is a start. 

- Empower your users to help each other.  Don’t just put a forum, cultivate a community.  And give love to your superusers!

What are your thoughts on customer-service communications?  What do you love?  What do you hate?  What are some companies that are doing it right?

P.S.—A little welcome-back note for myself.  I’ve been working on a really comprehensive and reasonably “deep” article to post here or on my upcoming wiki, but haven’t found the time to put it all together.  So I’ve kept putting off resurrecting my blog, hesitating to post something too fluffy or flippant or insufficiently deep, yadda yadda yadda.  That’s not very blogger like, is it?  Not everything can be a masterpiece.  And I’m sick of my micro-blogging efforts being used as a substitute for chatting with you loyal readers here, even if the conversation’s gonna be a bit more on the bite-sized level.

P.P.S.—You can find me as “ThatAdamGuy” on FriendFeed. :-D